It’s National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) and for the first time in four years, I am saying, “Thank you, Heavenly Father,” instead of, “How much longer, God?”
My husband was in a catastrophic car accident in 2007 at the age of 17 that left him with a Spinal Cord Injury from the chest down. We met in 2010, fell in love in 2015, and got married in the fall of 2018. After conversations we had with our doctors, we were extremely hopeful when we decided we wanted to start a family, but that hope turned into despair fairly quickly due to medical complications and never-ending bad news. Our journey began in 2019, and four NIAW later, I am finally holding our miracle baby from God in my arms.
After multiple medical procedures and two full rounds of IVF with no success, I would be lying to you if I said I had still been making a daily pleading to God for Him to bless us with a baby of our own. It became too painful to feel like my prayers were empty requests getting lost in space.
And yet, in the same breath, through all the tears and heartache, I held on to hope that God was writing a story that was way too good to come up with myself – timing so perfect that I would be in awe and disbelief when it happened. This season was excruciating, but through my grieving, I hoped and I trusted in our Heavenly Father that our story wasn’t over – and that kept me going.
1,305 days, 661 shots, 14 procedures, and 6 angel embryos we never got to meet later, we were blessed with our miracle, with sprinkles of “too good to be true” everywhere we looked.
Not many people knew the details during the midst of our struggle, but when people hear the details of our story now I often get responses such as, “Wow, I could never do that. I’m terrified of needles. That must hurt so bad.” And that is a natural reaction. I never thought I could do it either. The reality of having to give yourself 3-4 shots every day is earth shattering in the beginning. What you don’t realize until you’ve gone through multiple rounds of IVF is that the physical pain is temporary – the sting of a needle goes away within seconds.
However, the emotional pain of infertility is with you every second of every day – it never goes away. That is where I really leaned into my relationship with God and the community at Hillside to get me through. I could not do it on my own. The constant pleading for strength and peace only God could provide helped me endure the journey we were on. During the Elijah Women’s Study at Hillside in the Fall of 2021, we were prompted to write out a specific verse, and I was struck by how much it encouraged me through the really hard season I was in.
It was Psalm 73:23-26: “But I am continually with you; you hold my right hard. You guide me by your wise advice, and then you will lead me to a position of honor. Whom do I have in heaven but you? On earth there is no one I desire but you. My flesh and my heart may grow weak, but God always protects my heart and gives me stability.”
I taped it to my vanity mirror so I could see it every day and be reminded of God’s promises and truth. I needed this reminder every single day for a very long time.
The picture above is more than just shots. It represents the millions of tears, hours of grieving, and incredible despair we endured for years. It also represents the incredible privilege we had to even have the opportunity for this to be how our story goes. How God blessed us in other ways so we could have the opportunity to reach the honor of becoming parents through IVF. Through all the pain, there were still blessings, and that is not lost on me.
So as I sit here this year on National Infertility Awareness Week, with tears in my eyes holding our miracle baby we were told “would probably never happen,” I am praying for strength, courage, and a little lighter load to the 1 in 6 couples that are still in the thick of infertility waiting for their miracle. It’s a path you don’t wish on your worst enemy, but if it weren’t for the community of fellow infertility warriors you encounter on the way, it would be unbearable. If it weren’t for the strength and peace only God can provide, it would be un-walkable.
If you are one of the 1 in 6, please know you are not alone. Find some people to walk with you, pray with you, and remember that God is with you through it all.
By: Catie Hargrave
Catie Hargrave
Catie is a small business owner within the wedding industry. She is a Pacific Northwest native turned Southern California girl for the past 14 years and has a passion for serving the paralysis community alongside her husband through his nonprofit foundation, The Be Perfect Foundation.
Catie Hargrave
Catie is a small business owner within the wedding industry. She is a Pacific Northwest native turned Southern California girl for the past 14 years and has a passion for serving the paralysis community alongside her husband through his nonprofit foundation, The Be Perfect Foundation.
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