In my 40 years, I’ve held many titles: daughter, sister, friend, student, athlete, manager.
Yet, of all the wonderful experiences and titles I’ve had, being a ‘wife’ and ‘mommy’ brought me the most joy. The feeling of falling in love and believing your soul has found its mate is life-changing… and from that love comes the blessing of children.
I gladly forfeited all previous titles to be called WIFE and MOMMY. Yes, these held the most value for me…
… until the devil came to steal my worth.
Using manipulation, lies, and temptation, the enemy won over my husband. The man in whom I had entrusted my life and promised forever to was in love with another woman.
Suddenly I had new titles forced upon me: BETRAYED, UNWORTHY, UNLOVED.I wore the cloak of shame that comes with adultery and divorce like a scarlet letter. I cried out to God to heal my marriage and restore my family, but wholeness never came.
The devastation, the anguish, the jealousy, the defeat – it was more than I could bear.
However, the pain had only just begun. I was no longer a beloved wife, and the pain and humiliation was nothing compared to the gut-wrenching reality that I would no longer be a full-time mommy. Having to relinquish every other weekend, every other Christmas and major holiday – life as I knew it had been obliterated. My favorite title had a new and heartbreaking adjective: ‘PART-TIME.’
So I had to ask myself: who am I?
I was broken – in absolute anguish and on my knees completely humbled.
God heard my cries and lovingly met me in my despair. He sent His Holy Spirit to wrap His healing arms around me and whisper to my heart, “You are enough – because you are mine.” In the midst of the devastation, I had found God at the end of myself.
The irony is that I had to lose everything I had and define everything I am NOT, to finally comprehend who I am IN CHRIST.
No human gave me my worth, therefore no human can take it away. My Creator has assigned my value – I am beautifully and wonderfully made by Him in His image.
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made,” Psalm 139:14
He stitched me in my mother’s womb. I am His beloved!
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb,” Psalm 139:13
Suddenly, the truth came raining down from heaven and I was hit with the reality that I had placed my value in the wrong people and the wrong things. I was so busy doing GOOD things, such as being a wife and mommy, that I lost focus of doing GOD things, like living as His, for Him, in His grace and believing that I am enough.
I surrendered my life in complete submission and obedience to God’s will. My heart breaks for what breaks His. I have felt the sting of pain and despair, but through belief in Jesus Christ, I have been redeemed.Jesus came to earth for our salvation, but this sacrifice provided infinitely more. He was fully God and fully man, and I believe He endured the trials of living in human flesh – the temptation and the heartache – so that He may have unwavering compassion and understanding for how and why we hurt.
Jesus provided the perfect model for total obedience and eternal salvation. Consider that for a moment: our God understands our pain, He grieves for us and with us.
The spiritual warfare forged against me by the enemy did not destroy me – God wouldn’t allow it. God has a way of using broken people to bring glory to His Kingdom. In the words of Priscilla Shirer, “The cracks in my brokenness allow God’s light to shine through.”
I still bear the scars of my battle but they serve only as a reminder of the miraculous work God has done in and around me, a testimony to His mighty power!Where the world may put many titles and identities on me, the one I strive for today is simply good and faithful servant.
I now know who I am. I AM His – and I am grateful.
By Jerilee Flores
Women’s Ministry Volunteer
Join Us At The Haven!
Join us on Thursday, August 8 from 7-9 p.m. for a gathering for women, where you are free to come just as you are, with no other purpose than to experience the hope of Jesus!
Through community, worship and a guest speaker, we have created this evening for you to connect with God and with others!Register Here