I knew of Jesus and God, but I didn’t know who He was and I didn’t know you could have a relationship with Him. 

I grew up thankful to have a roof over my head. I had a very close relationship with my mom, but not so much with my dad, who was very abusive.

One night, my dad was getting too physical with my mom and I called the cops on him. This is what changed the trajectory of my life. My mom, sister and I moved out and around, living with different family and friends until we settled down. Right when we got settled, my friend, Ava, invited me to Junior High Ministry, and that was the first time I realized, “Oh, this is who God is.”

God is love. Fast forward a couple of weeks, I had my “fall in love with Jesus moment,” listening to the song “Who You Say I Am.” It felt like I was getting a tight hug. I felt so loved. It was good to feel the love of a Father, where it lacked in my own life. I joined the worship team quickly after that. As my relationship with my heavenly Father grew, my relationship with my earthly father decreased. I was bitter towards him. I hated him. I didn’t talk to him for two months before he passed away.

I think the devil works hard in ways like this. Every big step I took deeper into my faith, I saw how much more messy my life had become. While this did not affect me so much, it affected everyone around me – so much that I started to hate myself for it. 

And that’s exactly what I did.

I was met with so much shame and so much guilt. How could I follow a God who is forgiving and loving, and yet I couldn’t even extend that to my own family? I felt this shame, but I didn’t surrender it to the Lord. I clung to my community here at Hillside, which once again reassured me that God loves me and I am loved.My sophomore year I wanted to take the next step in my faith and learn about how holy God is. To love God is to know God. I started reading scripture and this is when God revealed His power to me. He had gotten me with His love first and then with His power later. This led to me being able to fully trust God. I fully surrendered these feelings to Him. I spent a lot of time in process learning to forgive myself and to not blame myself for the things that have happened in my life. 

I’d say my junior year was like my refining by fire year. I felt like David, all alone in the cave where the only thing to do was sing to God. A lot of people who were pivotal to the formation of my faith had left, and I felt very abandoned. I was dealing with a lot of spiritual warfare and sleep paralysis, which stirred a lot of fear in my heart. I took a break from serving on worship which isolated me even further. I idolized other relationships in my life over the one I had with God. I was so unhappy with myself and my life.

But I slowly started coming back and getting involved once again, surrounding myself with people who love me and leaders who love me.God once again chased after me and got me back with His love and power. He put such great leaders in my life who have just poured into me and have led me back to Jesus. My senior year is when I really started showing my obedience to the Lord. I no longer had the relationship I idolized. I have chased after the Lord, just as He has me. I surrounded myself with other people who love him, read my Bible and actually started applying it to my life. My goal is to be more like Jesus and to make my whole life a way of worship. Worship, plus the community around me, led to such specific intentionally God revealed to me. There are so many intricate details God has woven throughout these years.

My hope for the people I share my testimony with is to be confident that Jesus always prevails. When your life is a mess and you don’t know what’s going on or you don’t know what will happen, you can stand firm knowing that you are in the hands of such a loving and powerful father. You know that Jesus wins, and you will see a victory, for the battle belongs to the Lord. The Lord has victory over death, sin, and shame.I am lucky to have witnessed his love and power firsthand by my testimony.

By: Bryce Pavelak
High School Ministry Senior, Class of 2024

Bryce Pavelak is a recently graduated senior from Rancho Cucamonga High School. Her plans after high school include attending Point Loma Nazarene University to further her faith, studying Worship Arts and Christian Ministry. In her free time, Bryce loves to hang out with her friends and read.