In January 2021, my husband, Stu, and I were asked to join a Re|Engage group so we could be trained to become leaders in this ministry. Re|Engage is a program hosted at Hillside that offers hope to marriages by helping couples, no matter how long they’ve been married, move toward oneness through stories of grace, teaching and small groups. 

From the outside it looked like this would be a natural fit for us. We had been happily married for over 30 years and had been actively involved in a variety of ministries at Hillside throughout that entire time. We had led many small groups in our home over the years, so why not Re|Engage?This, in fact, was not the first time we had been asked and as always, my first reaction was thinking that there was no way I was going to commit myself to a 14-week study no matter what it was. We just did not have the time or bandwidth to participate in something that long.

With this particular ask however, my reaction included a bit of cynicism as  well. Stu and I had both grown up in homes that did not encourage or model healthy communication patterns. The way things appeared on the outside was valued more deeply than working through conflict or even differences of opinion.

Through the years, we had made attempts in our own marriage to change those patterns as we raised our children. However, at this point in time we had allowed our work as elementary school principals during the stress of the pandemic and the temporary return of our adult daughter to our home to distract us from the time and energy that we should have spent investing in our relationship.

By the beginning of 2021, we were not in the best place in our marriage. A large percentage of our conversations centered on discussing our daily schedules or who was going to feed the dog, and we lacked the perspective and tools to get out of this rut and move us forward in a constructive way.

The first few weeks of tackling our Re|Engage homework were particularly difficult, as we were forced to talk deeply about real things that mattered to us. However, week-by-week, as we committed to the process and our hearts began to soften, I could see hope on the horizon.At the end of the 14 weeks with our group, we were in a much different place than we had been just a few months earlier. Although we knew we still had things to work through and to practice, and we were not a model of a perfect marriage by any means, we were eager to lead other couples through the same process.

We have since had the privilege of leading four groups of our own and love and appreciate the vulnerability, the humanness and uniqueness of each couple we have come to know and love. It has been exhilarating finding commonalities and support among other couples that we would never have found in any other context.

The time commitment – which at one time seemed to be a huge stumbling block to our involvement – became one of the greatest assets of our time together. We realized that over time our personal conversations with each other became more honest, reflective and healing. Trust grew among group members and the richness of our time together deepened to the point that there was real sorrow when the sessions came to an end.As we continue our involvement as leaders of the Re|Engage ministry at Hillside, we are passionate about seeing the transformation God can bring in the lives of couples here at our local church. If you are looking for a way to deepen your relationship with God and your spouse, as well as experience a richer community with other believers, I pray you would consider joining a Re|Engage group.

We know that not every marriage issue will be resolved in this format and acknowledge there will be those who need more attention from a professional counselor. However, Re|Engage is a wonderful place to start your journey to a stronger marriage regardless of your current situation.

By: Pam Schlappi