While I should have been enjoying the beautiful beaches and the delicious food, my attention was drawn to every child I saw running through the streets without shoes on their feet or proper clothing. I wanted to help. I wanted to save the children. God used that vacation to plant a seed in my heart, and I was forever changed. It was 2016 and I was on a mission to adopt a child from a third-world country.

It’s funny how we get these ideas running in our minds and feel so confident in their outcome. I was 100% on board with my own desires and plans, but my husband, Brett, was definitely not. We spent years discussing adoption and how I felt called. We argued, we cried, we were silent with one another and we were struggling.

After a few years of an unsettled marriage and desperate prayer, Brett attended a Hillside men’s retreat and things changed. When I picked him up from the retreat he grabbed my hands, looked me in the eyes, and said, “We are going to adopt a child.”God used that trip to work within his heart, and Brett was ready for whatever He had planned for us. However, it was God’s timing, not mine.

From there we did research and spent time in prayer, and quickly learned that international adoption wasn’t the right path for our family. So, we began the process for a domestic adoption, and even hired a consultant to help guide the way. We created a profile book filled with pictures of our family and friends, and information about what makes us who we are.Our book was sent out to over 60 expectant mothers, but we never “matched.” I was heartbroken and devastated. I began to lose faith and question God: “Why did you call me here? Why do you allow this thought to consume my mind?”

I told God to take the thoughts from me – to close the door and allow me to move on. I needed to be fully present in parenting my own biological children without thinking about raising someone else’s. And wow, what an eye-opening prayer that was. I was boldly telling God what to do. Telling Him to have me only think about myself and not about His children. And then it hit me – I wanted to adopt a child to fulfill my own desires and I was being so incredibly selfish. I wanted a fourth child, I wanted a little girl (mom of 3 boys here), I wanted her to be healthy and happy, and I wanted her to be handed over to me like a gift.It was all backwards and I wasn’t serving God at all. My heart wasn’t in the right place.

So, for the first time in my entire life, I got on my knees and prayed.

I prayed to God and asked Him to begin to do work within me, to help me see how I could serve Him and not just fill my own desires. It was my first moment of complete surrender and I know it played a huge role in our journey thus far. After nearly five years of wanting to adopt, we decided to open the door to foster care.

Foster care terrified me. I had always told myself that I would love the child too much and not be able to give them back. After speaking to other foster parents through the Starfish Ministry, I learned that that’s exactly what these children deserve. They deserve a temporary home that will provide them with so much love that if (and when) they leave, that house will break. They deserve a love so deep and so fierce, that seeing them go will shatter your heart. Learning this made me realize I was exactly the right person for foster care, because if there is one thing I do well in this world, it’s love children.

September 29, 2021 – 4 p.m.

I was on a virtual meeting at work and saw a call from our foster family agency. I stepped away from the meeting and took the call – I felt like I needed to take the call. I was informed that a 3-day-old baby was waiting at the hospital to be discharged and needed a home. With very limited information, I immediately said “yes.” I didn’t even pause to call Brett because I could feel the presence of God. He spoke to me at that moment, and told me to trust Him.

So I did.

“Fear not, for I am with you and will bless you.” Genesis 26:24

Jamie Finn says it best in her book, “Foster the Family:” “God doesn’t promise to protect us from the scary. He calls us straight into the scary. Then He tells us not to fear.” (p. 48)

Within a few hours, our family of five became a family of six, and we’ve never been the same.One of Brett’s biggest fears about diving into foster care was that he wouldn’t be able to love the child the same way he loves our biological children. It’s interesting because my worry was the exact opposite of his – I thought I’d love them too much. What we both forgot was that God was in control and that our worries needed to be given to Him. Holding a child, whom you didn’t birth to, is a crazy beautiful thing. I instantly fell madly in love and Brett did, too. She was beautiful. The softest skin, sweetest smell, and tiny nose. She was a perfect child of God and He trusted us to provide her with a safe place to grow. We were honored.

The beginning of the journey was rough, yet rewarding. I experienced countless new and unfamiliar emotions, but also a dependence on God that I had never felt before.I recall the first time Baby Girl had a visit with her parents. She was a few weeks old and we had to meet them at the county office for a court mandated visit. We were told to arrive at 9 a.m. and that we needed to come back two hours later to pick her up. I had to leave my newborn baby in the arms of someone else, for two hours.

What? How? I would not survive the handoff. But I did, and it was extraordinary!

I was overcome with a sense of hope in the very moment I placed her in her mother’s arms. I felt unworthy. I said to her, “You sure did make a beautiful baby girl. I hope you enjoy your time with her.” And I walked out the doors with a huge smile on my face. It was all God. He showed up for me at that moment. He reminded me that I was there to be His hands and feet. He filled my heart with gratitude and gave me the security I needed to get through those two hours.I shared about this moment with friends and family, and some were dismayed. They just couldn’t imagine being joyful in that moment. They didn’t understand how we could be supportive of people who had done something “so terrible” that their child was taken from them and placed in the system. I can’t blame them for having those thoughts, because I used to have them too; but I learned that as Christian foster parents, we need to believe that God created families to be together, that His heart is for them to stay together, and we need to do all that we can to be part of Him bringing them back together (Finn, p.45). God wanted this family to succeed. It was our calling to support their reunification plan.

Baby Girl was in our home for 17 months. We raised her as our own child for nearly a year and a half. I often had a struggle between my heart and mind, and I’d go to God and pray that He would never take her from me. Truthfully, every time I prayed for her to stay, I was ultimately praying for her parents to fail. You see, if the courts granted us adoption rights, that would mean her parents would have failed to complete their reunification requirements. How could I be so cruel? After some profound conviction, I changed my mindset and began to pray that IF there was something that needed to be revealed to the courts, God would find a way to reveal it, and if not, that God would change my heart to be a better support system for her parents. And I did just that – I became their biggest advocate.It was nothing short of a miracle to see Baby Girl reunify with her parents on March 1, 2023. It was a day I dreaded for so many years – my greatest fear going into the process. It was a chilly damp morning and we decided to meet at a park we were all familiar with. We brought our boys with us because they were just as much a part of the journey as we were. I held Brett’s hand as we drove to the park and tears rolled down my cheeks. I was scared and obviously extremely sad. It’s not that I lost trust in God’s plan, but I was a mother losing a daughter, and the pain was real. We listened to worship music, and the Holy Spirit filled the empty space of our car. We pulled up to the park and allowed the boys to say their goodbyes, and then it was time.

As I handed Baby Girl over to her mother, the tears continued to fall. I was overcome with a tremendous amount of emotions, but it’s important to note that I was also extremely proud of her parents. In the 17 months they spent without their daughter, they never skipped a beat. They attended all doctor appointments, court hearings, scheduled visits, and even additional visits that we planned outside of court orders. They checked all the required boxes and worked endlessly to bring their daughter home. They became an extension of our family and it was an honor to support them through their struggles.Before they placed Baby Girl in their car, they gave us genuine hugs and promised we’d see her again. “Kellie, this isn’t goodbye. You’re family now. You will always be a part of her life. And thank you. Thank you for everything.”

That was it. The work was finished. We had done what God had called us to do, and we were exhausted.

The drive home was silent. I needed time to process – I had a hole in my heart and I was unsure of how I would move forward. We spent that day taking down her crib and donating anything that could possibly remind me of her. It was the most bizarre feeling and I wasn’t even sure if my feelings were valid. I wasn’t angry, just heartbroken.

Just when we started to feel alone, God sent a friend to check on us. She brought sweet gifts, and a warm hug. She was all we needed in that moment to know that everything we were feeling was valid. From the beginning to the end, God never failed us. He constantly found ways to speak directly to me or through other people. He was (and is) so faithful.Baby Girl’s mom held true to her promise and sent messages and pictures in the days that followed. Twelve days after their family reunified we were given our first post-reunification visit. I was elated. They gave us the address to their apartment and told us we were welcome to pick her up for a few hours. We entered the address into our GPS and learned that she lived just 18 miles away from us. At any given time, we could get to her by driving only 18 miles. And for the last year, that’s exactly what we’ve done.

We visit her every single month. We pick her up and bring her to our home. We play, we sing, we read books, and go on walks. We spoil her with toys and clothes, and give her countless hugs and kisses. And every time we take her home, we know we will see her again. The effort and energy we put into creating a relationship with her parents was worth it. We came alongside them when they needed us the most, and because of that, they now trust us to be a part of their daughter’s life forever. Typically, when children reunify with their birth parents, the relationship with the foster family fades out and they lose contact. The relationship we continue to have with her family is not the norm for families in the foster care system.Throughout our foster care journey, our family became closer than ever before – not just to each other, but to our Lord and Savior. Our children learned about unconditional love. They saw things that most kids their age never experience. They learned that prayer changes things. To listen to them ask God to protect Baby Girl and her parents is all the confirmation I need to know we did the right thing by committing ourselves to this wild ride. Our children have a greater understanding of what it looks like to fall, lean on God, and rise again. They know that people face challenges and sometimes get into rough situations, but nothing is too big for our God. Our boys learned that Satan is real and that he’ll oftentimes try to taint our thoughts or pull our eyes away from Jesus, but through faith and God’s merciful grace, God always wins. The work this journey did through our children is something we as parents would have never been able to do ourselves.I am forever grateful for our “yes.” Had I known Baby Girl would have been the reason my heart absolutely shattered, I still would have loved her just the same. She will forever be a part of me and I will love her all the days of my life. She may not remember the time she spent in our home, but I’m convinced that she has been positively impacted physically, mentally, and emotionally and we made a difference in the outcome of her story.

October 20, 2023 – 7:30 a.m.

Just over two years after that first call, I received a text message from our agency about a 2-day-old baby who was waiting for placement. I immediately said “yes” and called out to my oldest son and asked him to pray for a baby who needed a home. He met me in the hallway, grabbed my hands, and began to pray. He prayed for her life and a safe place for her to land.By noon that day, our family of six became a family of seven, and we will never be the same.

We don’t know how this story ends yet, but God does. And we know He is good, He is faithful, and He will walk with us step-by-step, day-by-day.

By: Kellie Beitler

Kellie Beitler

Kellie is a teacher in the Etiwanda School District, where her husband also works as principal for a local elementary. She volunteers at Hillside in the Kids Ministry and on the events team. In her free time, you can most likely find her at the Little League baseball field, where on any given day she is shuttling her three boys to a practice or game, and continuing to be their number 1 fan in the stands.